Mamavation Monday: The Eternal Same-Ness of Being

I was tweeting back and forth with Shelley Oz, a good friend of mine and the person who introduced me to Mamavation, and I mentioned that I had regained the weight I lost in North Carolina. When we were living there for 2 years, I committed to losing as much weight as I could--and I did. I went down five dress sizes over the course of that two year period and tried so many new things. Like Pilates, for instance. I was so worried that Pilates was going to be for super skinny model types in matchy-patch hoodies and sweatpants. Imagine my surprise when I went to my first class, and I was the youngest one there. By four decades. I had been scared for nothing.

As I spoke with Shelley, a crushing realization hit me like a car smacking into a squirrel. The eternal same-ness of being. The moment we moved back to Texas, the new-ness wore off of life. We went back to our old routines. Stopped trying new things. Gained back weight. All of it. All that hard work--gone. The familiarity of being back home among our friends and relatives is comforting but also lulled me back into a feeling of same-ness.

It's frustrating to no end to begin this process over again. But it has also been a real wake up call. I don't want to be eternally the same, gaining and losing the same weight, fighting the same battles every year, year in and out. The miscarrriage and my subsequent firing made me realize I never want to be vulnerable again, at least not where my work is concerned. I'm ready--ready to move on in the same spirit that dominated our way of life when we lived in North Carolina.

So....I am going back to school. In addition to committing to a healthy lifestyle for life, I am changing careers. Although I will still be a writer, I am going back to school so I can be a paralegal too. I want a steady job, one that will help me be a little less vulnerable to the a--holes in the world. I am so ready. I've never been this ready for a change in my life.